I have been struggling the past few weeks, I have been having a hard time putting it into words but I figured rather just say it than stewing about it any more so I am just going to say it. I am emotionally anorexic. I did not know it until I started going to counseling because of being diagnosed with endometriosis and then having a hysterectomy at the age of 25. Emotionally anorexic means: I don’t eat when I am stressed, overwhelmed, sad, upset, pretty much if anything is wrong in my world. I just can’t eat.I have even gone days. I don’t think I am fat, I don’t count calories I just don’t eat.
The past two weeks I have been working on a project that has been very difficult for me. The project was recommended by my counselor to write letters to a few people. And in the letters she wanted me to write down every little thing they did wrong to me, every lie, everything that I can think of and forgive them for it. I have been carrying around these emotions for years and have never dealt with them before until now.
You can imagine where I am at with eating…..yup hardly anything! Eric has been really sweet and supportive during all of this. But I know once I am done writing these letters I will be a new woman and I am going to burn them! There is no way I would ever send these letters!
The second part of the project was to draw what I wrote in each letter. I have one done so far. It is with crayon. Having one done, I can already tell things are starting to change. I no longer have build up emotion towards this person even when they do something wrong towards me.
Writing this blog post is good for me, it is really foreign to me to be this raw on here. But I am letting it go.